Everton's next manager?

Now, as I'm sure most of you are aware, David Moyes is apparently leaving Goodison Park at the end of the season. This saddens me because I've always liked him as a manager and it leaves us thinking 'what next'? I'm hoping someone like Martin O'Neill, Ståle Solbakken, Erik Hamrén^ or Michael Laudrup* takes over because they're another two I've always had time for. They won't stand for any shit from anyone.

*Michael Laudrup is the current manager at Swansea City and has since signed a new deal keeping him at the Liberty Stadium for another couple of years. Shame.
^Erik Hamrén is the manager of Sweden's national football team, having previously managed Rosenborg BK in Norway and Aalborg BK in Denmark, and he's a brilliant manager for them so I reckon he'd do well at Everton as well. I wouldn't mind us having a Swedish manager. He's been with Sweden since 2009 though so I don't expect him to leave my national team any time soon. Double shame.

There are, however, a few names I wouldn't like to see take over at my beloved club and I'm going to list them below.

Steve McLaren: The wally with the brolly. The man with the permanently-bad hair day. The idiot who thinksch he can schpeak Dutch. He was previously the manager of Middlesbrough (remember the time a crazed Boro fan chucked his season ticket back at him in disgust?) and tried managing England for a bit before buggering off to Holland. Twice. He may currently be out of a job but he's a clueless idiot and we don't want him at Everton. We wouldn't last two minutes.

John Barnes: Failed at every team he's managed. He was a much better player than he was a manager and, whilst he still lives in Merseyside, we don't want a manager who has failed dismally every time. He's only managed three teams. Oh, and he can't rap either.

Alan Curbishley: Lazy and clueless. He's managed one less team than John Barnes and has done nothing since 2008. It's up to him if he wants to live a life of bone-idleness but we don't want or need a lazy manager at Goodison Park.

Alex McLeish: Another clueless idiot who gets hated everywhere he goes. He wouldn't come to Merseyside anyway. He seems to love the Midlands so much so he can bloody stay there, thank you!

Gary Megson: This gum-chewing buffoon is another one who has basically failed at every team he's managed. No thanks.

Walter Smith: Manager of Everton before David Moyes. We flopped under him and even lost to Tranmere Rovers in the FA Cup back in 2001 whilst he was our manager so we don't want him back. We still owe them for that.

Brendan Rogers: Current manager of Liverpool. He may have steered Swansea City into the Premier League but he's an idiot. Even the Liverpool fans hate him. Need I say more?

Over to you, Bill. Please do the right thing and keep this lot away from the Old Lady. The only way I'd take any of the above is if they were working in our food areas or becoming cleaning ladies to clean out the toilets. Just bring in someone that will actually do the job and make us a decent team again. That's all we're asking for.